


right now I'm completely defenseless

by KHart



Series: storm clouds may gather, and stars may collide (but I love you, until the end of time) [5]
Category: Professional Wrestling, WWE, World Wrestling Entertainment
Genre: Angst, F/F, Fluff, SO, and I took forever to finish this, but here, hell in a cell is gonna kill us, there's some fluff tho, whew
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-16
Updated: 2018-09-16
Packaged: 2019-07-13 00:18:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,030
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16006313
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KHart/pseuds/KHart
Summary: And that’s why Charlotte is having such a rough time reconciling it.Because it was too real. It was as if the scriptwriters had somehow taken a flashlight and shined its brightness into the dark corners of her mind, where they found her worst fears and just who needed to taunt them to make it hurt.Which has now thrown her directly into the middle of a complex, because Charlotte’s insecurity that Becky feels burdened by her is one of her worst ones, and now it’s been brought out into the open air. Exposed and aching, like a nerve.---Or: As requested, what happened after that separated segment on Smackdown.





	right now I'm completely defenseless

**Author's Note:**

> the title of the song is from "If I Could Fly," by One Direction. A beautiful song. 
> 
> \---
> 
> My Tumblr is Flairfatale :)

Charlotte’s façade drops as soon as the light of the cameras dims. 

But she doesn’t move until she gets a nod from one of the producers.

And even then she lets a few seconds pass before she stands on subtly shaking legs and puts the title down in her place, stretching slightly against the uneasy tension still grabbing ahold of her muscles. 

“Good job, Charlotte. Now, just make sure to take a few photos with AJ and film your Mixed Match Challenge promo with him, and you’re good to go for the night.”

She smiles tiredly, nodding in acknowledgment. 

“Okay.”

When she’s sure no one is looking at her anymore, and that they've all turned away, her smile disappears. 

_It was a full time job being your friend..._

Making her way to the locker room is done completely by the most basic of her functions, one step after the other, moving her forward without much conscious thought towards any of it.

When she walks in, Becky’s already there, presumably waiting on her. Charlotte almost wishes she wasn’t, for once.

“Hey.”

Charlotte barely gives her girlfriend a glance.

“Hey.”

A semi-awkward silence falls over them, as Charlotte practically ignores the other woman’s presence. (Not for the intent of being malicious, obviously, but because looking into Becky’s eyes will increase the fragility of her emotions.)

“You did good.”

Charlotte swallows thickly.

“You too,” she replies, as she reaches for her bag from her cubbie.

It’s quiet again, almost suffocatingly so, and Charlotte really, really feels like she needs to leave.

Because her thin veil of control is starting to slip, and she knows she can’t let it slip in front of anyone, especially not Becky. 

She sniffs lightly.

“I—I didn’t know that was gonna be in the script,” Becky finally says, addressing the issue outright.

(Charlotte hates that she’s always been the braver one of them both.)

“They said they made some slight changes just a little before the cameras started rolling, and I only had like thirty minutes to memorize them, but I tried to call you.”

Charlotte thinks back to when she was in glam, and, yeah, okay, Becky did try to call her, that checks out, and, yeah, really, she knows it’s not Becky’s fault. That’s not even why she’s upset.

Not that she’ll admit out loud why she’s upset. So, she shrugs.

“It’s fine.”

Becky takes a few steps forward, Charlotte knows she does without looking. 

“No, it’s not. They should’ve checked in with us before. With both of us.”

“Yeah...” Charlotte trails off, not pausing in collecting her things. “Well, I mean, it’s good writing, I'll give that to them.”

Becky frowns. She knows Charlotte’s deflecting. 

“Love...”

Charlotte sighs, her back still to the woman.

“I’m _fine_ , Becky. I’m not going to break down after every segment and promo we do. Even if they throw in some low blows.”

Her voice comes out sharp, with edges that are serrated just enough to indicate that she’s definitely _not_ fine. 

_It was a full time job..._

And, _man_ , how she _hates_ how weak she’s sounded lately... How weak she’s _been_ lately _._  

Because all of it’s _fake. Fictional. For the entertainment of the WWE Universe._

_It was a full time job._

But that doesn’t mean some of it isn’t _real_... 

She sniffs abruptly again, smooths the sharpness of her edges down but then just hardens them instead. 

“I have to get to wherever AJ is. I don’t know if I'll see you before either of us leave for the next city.” She zips up her bag. “Don’t feel like you have to wait up for me.”

She turns on her heel then, avoiding Becky’s gaze as she starts to walk past her.

“Char—.”

“I’ll text you, Becks.”

Becky’s fingertips barely have a chance to brush across Charlotte’s arm before she’s sweeping out of the room as quickly as humanly possible.

And she feels bad. Truly, she does. 

Because she didn’t even give Becky an “I love you,” or a “See you soon,” or a “Travel safe.”

But she’s just too compromised right now to go back and fix it. No matter how much she wants to hug her girlfriend and let her reassure her, she won’t. 

She doesn’t know if she ever really will again.

_A full-time job._

It’s almost funny, Charlotte thinks, how horribly words can affect you. How they can stab way more painfully at your skin than any other sharp object ever could. 

But, then, it’s also funny because she _wasn’t_ lying before... 

It _is_ good writing.

It’s personal, and it’s raw, and it’s real. 

It’s adding vulnerability to her character, to the _queen_ of Smackdown.

Creative is playing off the fact that everyone’s got a chink in their armor. They’re playing off of the fact that the whole world is aware that Becky knows every single one of Charlotte’s weaknesses. Hell, they’re practically making sure that the whole world knows that Becky _is_ every single one of Charlotte’s weaknesses.

Because what do you do when the chink in your armor is the shining knight that once saved you from yourself? Well, that’s what they’re exploring. 

And it’s so  _good._ Their feud is going to make history, and Charlotte can feel that in her bones. 

The tingles in her fingertips and toes. The sweat at the nape of her neck. The breathlessness in her chest. It’s all the effects of that knowledge that there is history in the making, a legacy that other little girls are going to look up to and be inspired by, like Charlotte and Becky themselves had been inspired before them.

So, all of it’s good. 

But then all of it isn’t at the same time. 

Because knowing those words are written on paper and _hearing_ those words said to you, by the person you love most in the world, are two very different things. 

They cut deeper, hit harder, than she was prepared for. 

And most of it she was fine with, because they had read a run-through together and agreed that it was just the right amount of hostile. But the ones she hadn’t approved of, the ones they threw in at the last minute?

Well, those words sent her reeling. They completely shattered her stability, and, so, consequently, it’s taking her a bit longer to bounce back than she had initially expected.

**_“A full-time job.”_ **

Charlotte had barely had enough control over her facial expression to maintain her character at the sound of that. 

Because, _damn_ , if that wasn’t a direct shot to the knees, designed perfectly to take her out and knock her down. 

**_A job._ **

And knock her down it did.

Because, maybe, if she’d known about it, she would have had time to deal with it. Maybe, if she’d known about it, it wouldn’t have burrowed so deep into her as quickly as it did. 

Maybe, maybe, _maybe_ it wouldn’t have been such a crippling blow...

But she _hadn't_ known about it, and, so, hearing it out of Becky’s mouth was unexpected and surprising, just as if it _had_ been her saying it. 

And that’s why Charlotte is having such a rough time reconciling it.

Because it was _too_ real. It was as if the scriptwriters had somehow taken a flashlight and shined its brightness into the dark corners of her mind, where they found her worst fears and just _who_ needed to taunt them to make it hurt.

Which has now thrown her directly into the middle of a complex, because Charlotte’s insecurity that Becky feels _burdened_ by her is one of her worst ones, and now it’s been brought out into the open air. Exposed and aching, like a nerve.

And she’s just been left to deal with the repercussions of it without much consideration...

_**A job.** _

And, obviously, talking to Becky is the best way to resolve it all. That’s a given, and Charlotte knows this. 

But, also, talking to Becky runs the risk of Charlotte discovering that her girlfriend _is_ actually exhausted from having to reassure her all the time. And even if she isn’t currently, if Charlotte continues to put her emotional turmoil upon Becky’s shoulders, she just might end up resenting her eventually.

So, talking to Becky might be the temporary fix, but it might also be their eventual downfall. 

And since Charlotte would never forgive herself if it was her fault for causing that, she’s decided that she’ll just deal with this unexpected hurt by herself.

Just like she used to.

_**A job.** _

The next city over is only about a two hour drive out, and, so, she just texts Asuka and tells her that she’s going to rent her own car for this one, just so she can have a little bit of time to glue herself back together.

Asuka tells her, almost immediately, that she’ll miss her, along with a multitude of heart and smiley emojis meant to make Charlotte smile.

And they work, but only briefly. So, for the entirety of the drive afterwards, Charlotte sits in silence, even with her favorite playlist on. 

It takes a lot of her energy just to make sure that her eyes don’t glaze over, honestly.

So, when she pulls up at the hotel, it feels, simultaneously, like no time has passed and like it should also be the next day already. 

And though she’s definitely out of and over it, she does have enough wherewithal, however, to notice, as she unbuckles her seatbelt, that a few fans seem to have figured out that they’re at the same place as a group of WWE Superstars. So, she gives herself two seconds more to grip the steering wheel tightly before flipping the switch and opening her door. She grabs her stuff swiftly, and even thinks, for a moment, that with her hat on and her head down, she’ll be able to escape notice. 

Unsurprisingly, though, she has no such luck.

“Hi,” comes a small voice from behind her, just before she makes it into the lobby. 

She almost wants to curse, but, instead, she turns, glancing back and then down to meet the eyes of the little girl standing a few feet away. 

“Hi,” she says, smiling more easily then, despite her wishes to continue brooding by herself. 

“Are you Charlotte?”

“Yeah, I am,” Charlotte nods. “What’s your name?”

“Ashley.”

Charlotte softens further. She minimizes her height some so that she can be eye level with _Ashley_.

“Well, that’s a beautiful name you’ve got there.”

“Thanks! My mom picked it! My dad wanted to name me _Jane_.”

Ashley pulls a disgusted face.

Charlotte chuckles, looking up at the mention of parents to see if there are any adults watching them more acutely than others. Upon finding none, Charlotte looks back to the girl.

“Well, your mom seems like a very smart woman. Is she around anywhere? Or even your dad, maybe?”

Ashley bites down on her lip, glancing around too. 

“Um, I don’t know. I was looking for them, but then I saw you. And I know you! I see you every week.”

Charlotte’s heart could not _possibly_ feel warmer than it does currently, and, okay, maybe she isn’t bitter that she was stopped.

She smiles again, gentle and genuine.

“Okay, well, do you want me to help you find them? I’m sure they must be looking for you.”

Ashley nods, and, so, Charlotte nods too.

“Okay, let’s go, then.”

She straightens back up, places her left hand on her suitcase, and then extends her right one to Ashley. (Only two of her fingers fit into the girl’s palm when she grabs on.)

They walk up to the front desk together, but only Charlotte is able to see over the top.

“Hi,” she greets kindly. “I ran into my friend Ashley here just outside, and I think her parents might be looking for her.”

The woman behind the counter leans forward to peer over the edge of it, and, upon noticing her, Ashley waves.

“Of course,” the woman then says, looking back to Charlotte. “Do you know the last name?”

Charlotte looks down. 

“Hey, Ashley, what’s your last name, sweetie?”

“Johnson!”

The woman—Patricia, her name tag says—nods with a smile and starts to type at her keyboard. 

“Okay, I think I found their information, let me just give them a call.”

Charlotte nods. 

“Is it okay if we go sit over there?” 

Patricia nods, the phone already to her ear. 

“Yes, of course.”

“You want to go look at the fish?” Charlotte then asks, receiving an enthusiastic nod from Ashley. “Okay, they’re right over there.”

She points to a sitting area a few feet away, that has a small “pond” just beside it, with a rock facade and a waterfall to boot. 

Ashley runs over before Charlotte can even think to say “Be careful,” and then she leans forward over the edge of the water to gaze at the small orange and white fish swimming about. 

Charlotte sits down next to her, and, then, for a few moments, as they wait, she just lets her eyes trail along behind one specific fish, that’s the kind of bright orange she’s so very used to seeing. 

It stirs a strange mix of melancholy and fondness in her chest that she’s not used to experiencing, and it distracts her so much that she doesn’t even realize she’s visibly let her earlier mood come back to reclaim its hold on her. Not until Ashley speaks out and startles her, at least.

“Are you sad, Charlotte?”

Charlotte tries to minimize her jump of surprise, but it would be obvious to any true observer that she had been lost in her mind. She looks back to Ashley with a few blinks to see the girl’s face scrunched up in worry. 

“Oh, no, sweetie,” she tries to reassure. “I'm just tired, is all. It’s been kind of a long day.”

Ashley doesn’t seem convinced.

“Is it ‘cause you’re fighting Becky?”

Charlotte’s too surprised, once more, to formulate a worthwhile response.

“‘Cause I could tell you what my mom always makes me and my brother do when we fight.”

“Oh, yeah?” Charlotte manages to say quietly. “What does she make you do?”

“Hug,” Ashley answers, simple, to the point. 

Charlotte’s lips quirk upwards.

“And does that work? In ending your fight?”

“Yeah. Most of the time. Even if we hate it when she makes us do it, we still make up.”

Charlotte’s smile comes back fully now. 

“Maybe you just need to hug. Even if you hate it.”

“Yeah...” she agrees then. “Maybe so.”

“Ashley!”

Both Charlotte and Ashley look up at the call.

“Mommy!” Ashley exclaims, running forward to meet the woman rushing towards them.

“Ashley, what did we tell you about your urges to go wandering off?”

Ashley looks down to her feet.

“To not do it.”

“That’s right. To not do it. Because it’s not safe. You had your father and I worried sick.”

“I’m sorry, mommy, but look Charlotte waited with me! You know Charlotte!”

Charlotte is back to standing at her full height as Ashley’s mom meets her gaze.

“Oh, hi, yes, thank you so much for finding her.”

“Well, she found me, actually,” Charlotte says with a light laugh. “But it’s no problem at all. She’s very good company. She even gave me some wise advice.”

“Oh, really?” Ashley nods at her mother’s question. “Well, I'm happy to hear that. But thank you anyways.”

Charlotte inclines her head in acknowledgement. 

“Okay, now, let’s get you up to the room,” she says to Ashley this time. “We wouldn’t want your sleep schedule to get thrown off, would we?”

Ashley pouts. 

“Aw, but I don’t wanna go to bed, Mommy.”

“I know, but you’ve got to. Even the best of the best have to rest, remember?”

Charlotte conceals her small grin as Ashley lets out a long-suffering sigh. 

“Yeah,” she answers woefully. “Okay.” She looks up at Charlotte. “Thank you for staying with me! You’re my favorite wrestler!”

“You’re very much welcome,” Charlotte answers. “And thank _you._ That means a lot. Do you wanna take a picture?” 

Ashley nods with a huge grin, and, so, Charlotte looks up to her mom to make sure it’s okay.

“I’ll take it for you.”

So, Charlotte crouches down again to be more level with the girl, and she puts her hand on her shoulder while flashing her brightest smile.

When the photo’s been taken, Ashley turns and throws her arms around her briefly. 

“Thank you! Jacob is gonna be so jealous!”

Charlotte chuckles some as she straightens back up. 

“You’re welcome, but make sure you tell Jacob I say ‘hi,’ okay?”

“I will!”

“Thank you,” the mom says again, before leading her daughter away and around the corner by the elevators. 

Charlotte lets out a sigh, less heavy than before. 

The process of checking in and getting up to her room goes by relatively quickly after that, and when she’s finally— _finally_ —falling into her bed, she almost cries. Granted, she's still fully clothed, but just the sensation of her muscles finally relaxing from holding her up and holding her together is enough relief for her in the moment.

After, maybe, a minute or two, she pulls her phone out for the first time in about three hours, and then she flinches some, as she sees the unread texts from Becky waiting for her.

_**Becks <3** _ **_[9:13 PM]:_ ** _Have you left yet?_

_**Becks <3 [9:36 PM]: **Charlotte_

_**Becks <3 [9:40 PM]: **I’m gonna assume since these say delivered and not read that you’re driving and not ignoring me on purpose._

_**Becks <3 [9:40 PM]: **Text me when you get to the hotel please. I'm going to leave soon._

_**Becks <3 [10:25 PM]: **Leaving now_

Charlotte gnaws at her bottom lip, feeling guilt pool in the pit of her stomach, partly from not noticing Becky’s messages but _mostly_ from remembering how she’d treated her girlfriend earlier.

She quickly types out: ‘ _Hey. Got to the hotel about forty-five minutes ago. Sorry I didn’t see your texts, I was driving. Also, I had to help this little girl find her parents when I got here, but that’s a longer story. I know you should be getting here soon. Stay safe.’_

She hits send despite the fact that she knows Becky won’t see it until she’s already at the hotel too. Then she sighs. 

Because even when she’s supposed to be dealing with something by herself to minimize the damage it can inflict to the people around her, she manages to inflict that damage herself anyways. 

She brings her hands up to rest against her face.

“Please just pull yourself together, Flair.”

She sniffs some and looks over at the red numbers of the alarm clock on the bedside table that read: **11:56 PM.**

She lets out a long breath before rolling off the bed and beginning to go about her nightly routine. 

She wipes her face free of the make up they’d applied, and then she jumps in the shower as quickly as she can. She brushes her teeth when she gets out, and then she moisturizes her newly-cleaned skin. 

(She ignores her reflection in the mirror, because she knows it might try to talk back to her.)

By the time she's finished and is sitting in bed with her pajamas on, the clock reads,  **12:37 AM**. 

She checks her phone again, but she has no new messages from Becky, so she just sets it face down on the nightstand and resolves herself to, maybe, trying to get some sleep without her lover.

Which she knows is wishful thinking, because she never truly _sleeps_ without Becky by her side. She gets _rest_ maybe, but actually, completely relaxing? Yeah, that never seems to work out. 

She lets out another sigh.

Becky might not even come to her room tonight after the way she treated her, both, intentionally and unintentionally. 

_"Maybe you just need to hug. Even if you hate it."_

Of its own volition, Charlotte's mouth uplifts at the thought of Ashley again. What a sweet little girl. An angel almost, for helping keep Charlotte out of her darker thoughts. 

Because Charlotte had recognized the patterns quickly, and she knew she was starting to spiral even before the car ride.

If she hadn't met Ashley, and gotten such _sage_ advice, she doesn't know _where_ she'd be in her thought process right now, but it definitely wouldn't be good...

_"Maybe you just need to hug."_

Just then, the sound of her door beeping and clicking to unlock draws her attention up and away from herself, finally.

As soon as Becky walks through the door, Charlotte’s there, taking the woman into her arms and pulling her close. 

Her hand comes up to cup the back of Becky’s head, and she presses her cheek into the side of it. Half a second passes, and then Becky presses her face in close to Charlotte’s shoulder, giving in to the hug and wrapping her arms firmly around Charlotte’s waist.

“I'm sorry,” Charlotte breathes out then, quiet and earnest. "For being a jerk." She pauses. "And also for not answering your texts. I know it kinda scares you when I do that so I promise I just didn't see them."

Some of the stiffness of Becky's muscles eases away, her hold gets gentler. 

"You were right. Them throwing those lines in there completely blindsided me, and I didn't know how to deal with them."

Becky's fingers shift against her back, over the fabric of her shirt, warm and grounding. 

"And I know I don't really have to explain how that goes, because, obviously, you know."

Becky hums quietly before pulling back some for the sole purpose of placing soft kisses to Charlotte's shoulder.

"Yeah, love, I know." She meets Charlotte's eyes. "I wish you wouldn't isolate yourself, but I know it's hard for you. So, we're still working on it, and that's okay."

Charlotte doesn't have the capacity for a response, so she just tightens her arms around where they've slid down to rest against Becky's waist.

A few minutes pass in silence, and they just hold each other, as they're so very accustomed to doing.

Charlotte eventually whispers, "I didn't know if you'd come tonight."

And Becky lets out a soft breath, with no real irritation or roughness behind it. 

"I wasn't mad at you, Charlotte," she says. " _Frustrated_ with you, a little, but not mad enough to force us both to have a horrible night's sleep." Charlotte smiles some. "Plus, Asuka told me that you decided to travel by yourself, and you only do _that_ when you're really spiraling."

Charlotte is still struck sometimes by how well Becky knows her. 

"Yeah. I figured she'd tell you."

Becky nods some, but she looks like she's already thinking about what she wants to say next, so Charlotte just waits. 

Maybe about twenty seconds slip by.

“I'll have you know," she eventually starts. "That I spent _years_ working to get you to open up to me, Charlotte. So, the fact that you trust me with, not only keeping your secrets, but also soothing your pain, is one of the greatest privileges I've ever been given." She tightens her embrace. "And that will _never_ be a burden to me, because you do the same for me, every day. Every time you need to and, even, every time you don't.” Charlotte sniffs, and Becky grins at her fondly. " _I love you_ , ya boulder, and that's part of what loving someone is. Sometimes it's helping them get back up when they're down, and sometimes it's sitting down with them until they can get back up on their own. It doesn't matter, as long as you never leave them alone." Becky places her hand right over Charlotte's heart. "And I'll _never_ leave you alone, not willingly, and that's a promise I intend to keep forever. Or for as long as you'll let me, at least."

Charlotte gives a watery smile.

"Forever sounds good to me."

Becky nods with glinting eyes.

"Forever it is, then."

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading!
> 
> My Tumblr is Flairfatale!


End file.
